Tag Archives: reading

Back on track

I have done it!! I am finally back on track after a mini freak out that i am nearly 30 and hitting a minor midlife crisis. I have spent the past few weeks stuck in my own head, surrounded by my own thoughts of self-doubt and negativity yet again. For some reason, I kept falling back in to the thought that I hadn’t achieved anything with my life and never will. I felt that i had been living someone else’s life, an older life again. I debated moving again, applying for new jobs miles away, changing my career and basically wanted to run away and start from scratch again. So I decided all I needed was a night out to escape. I ended up having more than a few nights out, in fact, I have had more hangovers this past 3 weeks than I have in the past few months.

My last hangover has lasted a strong four days but was totally worth it, I had my first girl’s night out in years, I had such a laugh and my body is aching from so much dancing. This hangover made me realise that I need to stop hovering over the self-destruct button and stop wanting to run away. After speaking to a friend who has always achieved so much in such a short period of time, it made me realise, that could easily be me if I tried.

So, these are my first few days off that I will remain sober in ages and I can’t wait to be hangover free tomorrow. I had initially planned to stay in, bake some sort of banana invention, throw on a face mask, have an aromatherapy bath and start writing again. So far I have only managed to sit down to write and throw on a face mask. In my defense, I hate baking and only own a whisk!

Tomorrows plan will be one of getting back to nourishing myself and my little palace:

  • Gym to get rid of my bourbon filled belly
  • Treating myself to a shiny old vinyl record
  • Sorting my flat out
  • Heading the tip to bin the rest of my issues
  • Pamper myself back to an acceptable appearance
  • Debate baking a banana bread all day before totally refusing to give in to becoming a girl
  • More writing and making art for my walls

I have made a few small changes such as being back on my positive thinking wave length, getting rid of some hangers on who shouldn’t be in my life, I am writing again, meditating and reading and I have decided to stop putting myself down, I know i am in the exact place in life that I want to be. I have just signed a 12 month lease on my flat and decided I need to focus on my career again; I am becoming more proactive finally. It’s time to stop making lists about what I want in life and time to start believing that I can actually achieve my goals. Even though I will continue to make lists of everything, I bloody love making a list.

Psychic Encounter

psychic

Last year, I had the strangest shift ever. One of my patients turned out to be a ‘clairvoyant’. Now, I had always been curious about these so called gifted people but I wasn’t sold on them. After leaving this patient I was totally blown away.

It started like any normal job, until the lady asked to hold my hand. I figured out that she was worried or scared so offered some reassurance. She looked up at me with a sort of puzzled look and said ‘actually, you are quite a caring person’. This after she shouted at me for being too bossy whilst telling her to sit down and catch her breath. I didn’t really think this was strange, I am always getting shouted at by little old ladies. I thanked her for that back handed compliment as she kept hold of my hand and said that I am a very strong and determined person, when I want something I go at it with full force and usually get it. I was slightly freaked out at this point, so I quickly jumped out of the ambulance and in to the driver’s seat. As I drove to the hospital, I was trying to think if I knew her or where that comment could have possibly come from. We arrived at the hospital to the back of a now standard queue for A&E, for what I can only describe as two and a half hours of pure entertainment paired with an intense feeling of vulnerability.

She began about telling me about herself which I found amazing. Like how when she was a child she would see ‘dead children’ but had to stop mentioning it to her parents as it freaked them out. She would also refuse to do readings for anyone she got bad vibes from.

Then turned on to me..

‘Do you want to know what your problem is?’ This is a question no one wants to hear the answer to.. ‘You’re too stubborn, just like your mother’. Jesus, she must actually know me. This did make me, and my mum, laugh, this is a well-known trait of ours! Then she asked me what I had done with the three rings. I had no idea what she was on about. I told her I had never had one engagement ring let alone three, and then she hit me with some knowledge. I had missed out on the chance of three rings. I had missed out because I am too over powering and men can’t handle me. She also told me not to worry, as I will meet the right person and I will just know they are for me. I nearly passed out at this point, as for a few months I had been re-evaluating my life, wondering if I was ‘on the right path’ shall we say. I hadn’t spoken a word of my worries or fears to anyone, not even my closest friends, yet this stranger on my stretcher was practically reading my mind. In that instant, I felt like I was stood in a corridor full of people totally naked, I almost wanted to cover my bits. I don’t talk to people for this reason, I hate feeling vulnerable and not appearing strong. She then pointed to a ring given to me by my then partner, asking why it didn’t belong to me. When I explained that it did and where it had come from, she shook her head and just said no. She then told me that she could see a guy coming into my life, someone who made my heart beam. She said could see me as I was messaging him, with a massive smile on my face, her whole expression changed at this point, she actually looked made up for this future me while I stood there, still feeling naked with a surprised look. She did give me two names, well one and a shortened version, which I will keep to myself. I’m pretty sure i met him too, i just wish she had told me how short lived it would be, but hey, it certainly taught me a few things! I had to basically run away at this point to calm my beetroot face down, so I went for some air.

When I returned I sat down with my future reading friend. She looked at me, told me to turn my head and said ‘ooh yes, definitely go auburn, don’t go back to being blonde, red will suit your fiery personality anyway’. Again, my jaw hit the floor. Just a few hours earlier I had messaged my hairdresser saying I want to go ginger or blonde and had booked in for the next week. I was totally freaked out. She also began to tell me something but wouldn’t continue. She started to talk about ‘three something’. She looked slightly worried at this point and said she wouldn’t tell me as ‘with your fiery nature you will kill me’ but there will be three. It’s only now I think I realise what she was getting at, the three crazy events that happened last year. I’m glad she didn’t tell me, I wouldn’t have believed any of it but i wouldn’t have killed her, i don’t think She also told me that I would leave the ambulance service, something I wouldn’t have thought at the time but i would now welcome; years of nights and shift work have defeated me.

She left me alone at this point and started telling me things about people that walked past us. She pulled one nurse to one side, telling her that she will be an amazing mother. Another she pointed out she said ‘she’s a right goer, she is anyone’s when she has had a drink’ unbeknownst to her, the woman’s husband was next to us and overheard. Her poor hubby, when he mentioned this fact, she just said ‘no, you two aren’t right’. I was back to feeling fully clothed and like the stubborn, over powering individual I was again, thanks to other people’s shock looks.

Finally, it was time to handover the patient and head back to station. As I said goodbye to this woman that had just stripped off my layers for all to see, she made me promise her three things:

That I would:

  1. Kiss more
  2. Laugh more
  3. Be more affectionate

Since then, I have literally not stopped smiling or laughing, sometimes to the point of tears. I am learning to show people I like that I actually do like them and be more open about my feelings. I am even hugging people now, like WTF I am not a hugger. I have also thrown a few cheeky kisses in which haven’t been bad at all, apart from my date with the giraffe that is.