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Selective Extrovert?!

introvert extrovert

I have never really looked at myself as an introvert or an extrovert, I’m not the kind of person who wants to be categorized, where’s the fun in that?!

I seem to go through phases of being either extremely sociable for a few weeks then I go to the opposite end of the scale to the point where I go full on recluse mode. Take the past few months for example. I found myself single for the first time in years and back living with the rents, sat in my room most nights. So I hit my sociable phase. I started going out most nights, either on dates or catching up with mates, drinking out of boredom or to help me sleep. Mix that up with Christmas festivities and shift work in between, come January I was shattered. I had no space to escape or place to call my own. I had organized a surprise weekend away for my mum’s birthday with the whole family in the Lake District and while it was an amazing weekend, I was drained by the second night and in bed early. Although I am sure that flapping that the surprise would be ruined, trying to sort things out for the big move and drinking way too much only added to matters. It was nothing a walk on the mountain and a little hot tub and sauna session couldn’t sort out.

I don’t like being the centre of attention, yet I want to stand out from everyone else and look different. I love to get ridiculously dolled up in vintage styles, thus drawing it to myself. I love big, BIG 60’s hair, victory rolls, wiggle dresses, 50’s tea dresses, mini mod dresses and lashings of lack eyeliner and red lipstick. The joy I get when a good pin curl set brushes out and sets like a dream cannot be put into words. That’s the only time I miss living with anyone, there is no one around to appreciate my masterpiece hair but thankfully my mum has Whatsapp!

I am sometimes shy around new people and tend to stay quiet in group conversations. I prefer to listen to what everyone else has to say first and get to know people before I can chirp in; even then I’m still quite reserved, which is another reason for writing this blog! Then I will meet a certain type of person; one that I immediately feel comfortable with and unleash my unusual, witty and chatty side and I have no guilt. Those thoughts after conversations where normally I would wonder if I came across weird, if I slipped up and said something too personal about myself or could have offended in anyway are none existent. Actually, all of those things add to the conversation! I am now learning not to answer the ‘what have you been up to?’ question with ‘nothing much’ and sounding like a boring cow that sits at home every night in the dark. I hated talking about myself. I suppose that’s why I can talk to patients in work; I am usually asking the questions. I do however think that most of these behaviors have been learnt, from trusting the wrong people and having private things broadcast like the latest gossip to the looks I get when I make a comment on a situation where I have let my ‘whatever you do, don’t say that’ filter slip; maybe Maybe i am a closet extrovert?! I actually don’t care what others think of me, I dress how I like, I don’t care if I piss anyone off and I will unleash my weird side, well with selective people of course, I wouldn’t want to be slapped on a 28 day ‘holiday’. Time to start selling myself (in a non-prostitute kind of way) and get out of this introvert/extrovert closet my lack of confidence has created.

Since making these small changes, avoiding negativity and becoming more confident in myself, I have made some amazing friends, some of which were right in front of me the whole time. After my pretty crappy year, a few of my work colleagues have been amazing, especially with loads of good advice that had helped no end, I have reconnected with old friends who actually knew me a lot more than I thought and people with the same interests and views have appeared in my life. No more drama llama’s or mood hoover’s in my life, PREACH!

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Feed your soul

‘A relaxed mind is a creative mind’

janey

I have always been a creative little soul. I love painting, playing with different art materials and making absolutely anything. I’ve always had a project on the go; I’d decoupage everything from photo frames to clocks and boxes, started making jewellery, bits on my sewing machine and attempting to learn my ukulele. I spent time with the occupational therapies team in my previous job, putting together activities and running or assisting with classes and loved it. I was getting paid to do dance classes, painting, pottery, tai chi and although I’d hate to admit it doing ‘wake up and stretch’ every morning. This involved trying to coax patients who had literally just opened their eyes to stand around in a circle and move and wiggle around to music whilst trying not to look like idiots. i miss carrying that little boom box onto a ward full of cheery faces.. After I had left, I haven’t done anything at all creative, until now!

Since I have decided to stop being such a negative and pessimistic cow, it seems like my creative urges have returned in full flow. I am starting art classes, getting back into painting and doodling, picked back up my ukulele, doing more photoshoots and I have started writing. I have also always been into my music, normally classic rock and a bit of brit pop but I have had my little peepers and lugholes opened to the ways of new music. I have literally spent weeks trawling twitter and Spotify listening to all kinds, Spotify is literally the best invention ever. I’m currently hammering The Vryll Society, Wicked Whispers, Whyte Horses and Clean Cut kid to name a few, all amazing in their own way.

I’m finally getting back to myself and it feels amazing, those creative juices are certainly flowing again. My next project is trying to make some sort of art work for my walls, so it looks like I will have to stop eating my crayons and actually scribble with them for a change, at least if it’s a mess I can count it as abstract art.

Modern moves?!

fall for actions

As I have stated in previous posts, my dating has taken a hiatus for a few years. Since I have started dating and chatting to guys again, I just can’t get my head around certain things.

  1. The unsolicited dick pick. I always thought this was only acceptable with someone you can fully trust that they will not flash that picture of your nips in the really bad lighting about to their mates, or even worse, on the internet. Apparently you only need to get three messages deep (pun totally intended!) these days before sending one. Or from another experience, a pic sent via twitter, I would have at least preferred an introduction or a hello; I certainly did not ‘wanna get on this’.
  2. The use of the poor aubergine to symbolise a dick. I can’t stand an aubergine anyway but I’m sure it’s a bit devastated to be used in sex memes! Using your actual words is much more effective, trying to decipher hieroglyphic’s is not a turn on at all! Leave the poor eggplant for its intended purpose, in a rat-atat-atouille or in the bin with the rest of the shit vegetables.
  3. The notion that every guy cheats or has a ‘side chic’. Come on ladies, don’t believe your idiot mates who have been trying to get with Barry from Toccy while he bangs every minger that moves or trying to change these so called ‘fuck boys’. These were more commonly known as bad boys, or full on dickheads. Not every guy is sleeping with everyone, sending dick pics or acting like these meme’s people love so much, get off Tinder and have some faith in humanity.
  4. There is no in between. It is either three messages in and someone is professing marriage or the standard ‘netflix and chill’ invite. I can’t stand this saying, what happened to asking someone round to watch an actual movie. At least then sex isn’t expected, in a non rapey way i should point out! Isn’t it part of the excitement when your sat there wondering if they have genuinely only come over to watch that shit Adam Sandler movie? And don’t get me started on the ‘firestick and dick’ saying!!
  5. No one gets to know each other now; they treat everyone like they are disposable. People say that they hate playing games and love honesty yet play more games than Bradley Wiggins and lie like a cheap rug. Stop over thinking, be honest and put your monopoly board away. Text the guy/girl if you want to speak to them, don’t leave people on ‘read’ to prove a point and if you actually like someone, tell them! ‘Treat them mean’ does not work at all, unless you’re younger and pulling your crushes hair to the point of tears. Although if it works out, she may love the hair pulling further down the line 😉

Alcohol free..

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The first time I ever got drunk was on a family holiday in Majorca with my family. I was 14/15 and getting fully into the holiday spirit by trying my first ever vodka and fresh orange. Possibly not the smartest choice for my first drinking session with holiday measures! The first went down a treat; it just tasted like fresh orange but with a bitter edge. Fast forward two hours and several generous double vodka’s and I was on the floor, in the toilet, asleep. I had to be pushed back to the hotel in my step brother’s pram whilst he was carried. The next day was my first of many horrendous hangovers. I remember being in the hotel room toilet, screaming into the bowl through tear filled eyes, wondering when I would die, in between crying that is.  Looking back now, it makes a funny holiday story but it makes me cringe. I should have stuck to loosing at pool and inhaling cheese and onion crisp. But hey, there’s a first time for everything!

Last week, after yet another crippling hangover, I decided to quit drinking alcohol. As I think more about it, there are many MANY reasons for me to quit, which I will get to later! I am by no means an alcoholic but I do drink most night’s I’m off work, I’ll have a few beers or unsuccessfully stop at half a bottle of Malbec. Since moving, I have been celebrating most nights, the weight that I had lost through my breakup diet is creeping back in, my skin is disgusting and my sleep pattern is even worse. So I have been drinking herbal tea instead for a week and I have bloody loved it! So far my skin is clearing, weight starting to buggar off and I have had two of the best night’s sleep I have had in months, all after a week?!

So technically even though I have already started, tomorrow will be an alcohol free april, possibly even longer! If I manage to do it with nights out, a week off and the impending doom that is the final year of my late 20’s about to slap me in the face, I will deserve a medal. Or a high five at the very least!!

Future annoyance check list

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Last year, I had a chat with my cousin about being single. I asked him why he has not found us all a nice lady friend to get drunk with at family parties; he gave the best response ever.

‘I know what I want, what qualities are the perfect woman for me, why would I settle for anything less?’

This short sentence has stuck with me since, even more so now that I am getting asked this question, although I’m after a nice man, sorry ladies 😉 So, I have decided to compile a list of my own (this list in non-exhaustive of course)

My perfect guy:

  • Must have an amazing sense of humour, not the personality of a sweaty mop
  • He must have the ability to make me laugh even in the worse situations and especially when I have a ‘little woman syndrome’ flare up
  • Great hair – indie/mod cut all day long, man buns need not apply!!
  • A good sense of style, I’m a rare breed that thinks grey sweat pants a vile. As are beige shoes. I like to get dressed up, I don’t want to be stood with some guy in his finest trackys, no matter how well they have been ironed
  • Taller than me, which isn’t too much to ask being 5ft nothing
  • Isn’t easily offended, I have the mouth of a drunken sailor and WILL call you a dick at some point, usually for no reason
  • He has to be creative and have imagination
  • Know what he wants from life & is ambitious
  • Be family orientated, i love my family, we are all equally bonkers and throw a boss party!
  • No serial killer traits appart from the charm of course
  • Not feminine at all, I want a man, not a woman
  • Finally, confidence and a positive outlook!

I know I sound like the kids from Mary Poppins looking for a nanny, I am fully aware that such a fella does not exist and will not find this blog entry will drift to him ripped up from a fireplace; I may have to compromise. I must point out that I will NEVER compromise for a guy on the grey sweaty pants or beige shoes front, he can fuck right off.

Number 1

Welcome to my first ever blog post! I wouldn’t get your hopes up, this will be rubbish. I had planned to start this blog to document about my ‘Alcohol free April’.. i’m afraid I have ran away with it already. i could also inhale a Pornstar Martini or five right about now!

After the year from hell that was 2016 and years of negative thoughts, I have decided to jump on the positive thinking team to see what all of the fuss was. I am four months into changing my thought process and a lot has changed already, its almost scary infact! I am totally sold in the power of positivity. Don’t get me wrong, I am not about to do a Tom Cruise and declare my love for it over a crusty couch and there are times when I would rather tell the world to ‘hence forth’ than walk around smiling.

I will be sharing bits from my past, present and hopefully future with some randomness in between. And please, if you ever see me write a post with the words ‘the next chapter’.. ‘the next stage of my journey’ or some other hippy bollocks, please feel free to tell me to get a grip.

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