Tag Archives: meditation

Monday vibes

Over the past few weeks I have let my creative side take a back seat, well with the exception of modelling. Last month I went out and bought a load or canvases, paint, oil/chalk pastels and decided to sit down and get the better side of messy. I painted one, done the background of two, then left those to one side to gather dust in my little arty corner surrounded by fabric slices and a glue gun.

Over the weekend, I was absolutely worn out, I have pushed myself too far over the past few weeks to the point of being ill and burnt out. I actually left a family party at midnight due to being that exhausted. I’m usually the first to be drunk and the last one to leave but I just couldn’t function, even after having several beers I couldn’t wake up. The next morning I woke up shattered. Had a full English with the rents and headed home. It’s taken it’s toll so much that I actually looked like a bag of boiled shite that had been set a lite and stamped on.

So I decided to do something I hadn’t done for ages..chill my beans.

I sat in my little crib, drank herbal tea and ate so much cake. I managed to do a little chakra meditation, I caught up with a few sets from Glasto and actually finished a painting..all in my pjs!

This morning I woke up feeling the best I had in a few weeks, ready for five 12 hour day shifts this week..

Monday will not kick my arse this week, if anything..I will kick the arse out of Monday with some pure positive vibes ✌️

As I have said on more than one occasion, it’s time to start listening to my body and slowing down..now I actually will. Even though by Friday, I think the smile may have been beaten out of me after 60hrs but I will sleep like a baby Friday night. I’m still not motivated enough to hit the gym after work though, the only way that will happen is if they start to serve prosecco in their water fountain, that would get me there every night!!

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Head Space

On my little three day trip to Spain I managed to do some serious soul searching. Lately I have lost my way a bit. I had totally thrown myself into modelling as well as doing my job and cramming as much over time in as humanly possible.

All of my new positive activities had been kicked to the kerb. I was back to eating crap, no more yoga, no more meditation, slowed down blogging, no more walks around the park or chilling my beans. My days off were crammed with arranging shoots, planning outfits, poses, travel time, preparation and trying to function on very little sleep. Cramming four shoots in a month is not the best idea. I literally felt drained.

So on the Sunday, after 2 hours sleep I headed to a networking shoot. Then straight from the shoot, I had to rush home, grab my suitcase and haul ass to the airport. I got myself one big ass pint of cider and rang my mum. This was the first time I had flown on my own and I’m a terribly flyer. I looked at it as some time to chill on my own.

I boarded the plane and threw my headphones in, for the first hour I listened to a guided meditation on Spotify. I managed to coach my breathing right through the take off and didn’t get one tiny ounce of anxiety. I also done the same on the way back, although this time I was surrounded by 6 million children, who decided to scream as we were landing, I very, very nearly lost my shit and joined in with the screaming.

I had an amazing few days. The friend I went to visit, I had known for 10 years which has flown! For the first time I was totally honest with her, going into some pretty deep stuff that I would never normally talk about. It must have been the pool/lilo/sun effect as I was totally sober! Afterwards I didn’t feel as bad as I thought I would opening up like that. My little mini break was certainly an experience in every sense Down at the beach I lay down, burning to an absolute crisp and revaluated the past few weeks and what is most important to me. It’s then a realised I’m doing too much and need to slow down. I left my phone in the apartment whenever we went out and felt like i had gained a sense of freedom. My phone has done nothing but ping lately, to the point that I have silenced most of my notifications. Luckily I had my picture mad friend to document the whole thing.

So from my holiday revaluation I will be doing the following:

– Making more time for myself, get back to enjoying nature again

– Slowing down with the modelling, one or two shoots a month is totally fine!

– Make time to meditate and practice yoga and eat well

– Continue to write this blog and spill my emotional beans all over the place

– Continue to make my little home a happy place to escape, which isn’t hard as I am in heaven as soon as I walk through the door.

– Using social media a lot less, apart from my modelling page occasionally.

– Carrying on smiling, laughing and being positive when faced with any negativity.

I am one day in to slowing down and i already feel so much better again 🙂

Decorate your soul

flowers

Since my latest epiphany, that I need to start loving myself, I realised one other thing..i have no idea where to start. I have hardly ever liked myself and now I am expected to try this love stuff out, Jesus! Obviously I defaulted to my usual trait of making a list, but not before doing some googling and deep thinking. So here is my own idea of how I think I need to approach this change;

  1. Let go of the guilt and hatred for yourself for past mistakes, don’t be critical of yourself, other people do that enough, learn from your lessons
  2. Date yourself – go to the movies, to a nice restaurant, buy yourself flowers, treat yourself how you would want to be treated on a date
  3. Travel somewhere alone – to a place you have never been before
  4. Pamper yourself – go for that massage, use bath bombs, face masks, do your hair & make up
  5. Write yourself a letter- about your achievements, what you are proud of, the qualities that people never see, your quirks, your naughty habits, write what you need to hear
  6. Make time for a new hobby – read up on something you are interested in
  7. Learn to be vulnerable with the people you care about
  8. Look at yourself from someone else’s perspective
  9. Celebrate yourself, be kind to yourself, don’t rely on anyone else for your happiness
  10. Learn to love your edges and flaws – no one is perfect, why would you accept someone else’s imperfections and not your own?

My note book will be busy these next few weeks, not only will I be writing myself this so called ‘letter of love’ but I fully intend to get to know myself. My hopes, dreams, fears, achievements, strengths and weaknesses. You would think that you know yourself as we all spend that much time in our own heads but it is usually thinking of other people; how they feel, what they want, if you are doing right by others. It is only when you sit down with that pen and paper do you start to figure out who you are. I know that there will be a lot more ways to learn to love yourself, so I am open to more ideas!

Meditation fail


So last night, after weeks of ‘not having time’ I attempted my first meditation session. I had spent ages reading through the benefits of it, thinking I would become a zen-like goddess after my first session..this was not the case.

A friend who is into this meditation malarkey advised me to try a 20 min guided meditation on YouTube. Off I went to bed, turned all the lights off and threw my headphones in, lying like I had been laid out to rest. I hit play and heard a very nice relaxing voice, with a rather loud ticking clock in the background. I tried to ignore it, relax and focus on my breathing like it said..for all of 3 mins.

At this point I turned into Dustin Hoffman in Hook. I had to smash the fuckers up. I had failed in my mission to become spiritually chilled and had done the total opposite, I had wound myself up something fierce.

I have two clocks in my bedroom, a cute vintage style bedside one and a big rose gold one on the wall. The ticks and tocks became unbearable over the sound of this chilled guys voice. So I hit the pause button, saying something along the lines of ‘for fuck sake I’m trying to chill here’ to no one, threw the big light on and removed the clock. I put it on the floor and covered it with blankets and all kinds of noise cancelling crap,still ticking but very muffled.  I decided against smashing it up, it’s quite a nice clock after all.

By the time I turned the light off again, attempted a swan dive on to my bed and hit play again,it took me the rest of the meditation to chill out. The point it did,the adverts came on and I shit myself. If that’s how I deal with trying to chill with meditation, trying yoga should be a breeze!

Maybe I am getting meditation and medication mixed up?!

There’s always tomorrow to be a zen-like master I suppose.