Tag Archives: love

Six Months Later..


Exactly six months ago, I made the decision to completely pack my life up and relocate to a totally new area. An area to which I had only driven through on one or two occasions, my first time going was the day that I viewed my flat that I am in now before paying my deposit the very same day and I have never looked back.I have no idea why I chose this area. I had never even thought of it, I didn’t know my way around, I didn’t know one person around there and I had no family closer than a 30/40 minute drive away.

Six months on.. it remains one of the best decisions that I have ever made and today I have just signed a 12 month renewal contract.

I had a conversation with my mum before I moved about how I would be moving so far away from friends and that I would never see anyone, that didn’t change much as I hardly seen anyone anyway. I still see my lovely family as often as shift work will allow, constantly keep in touch on Facebook and I have since found a few mates nearby.

I am finally getting my space the way I like it, with a few retro vibes and quirky bits on the wall and I’m planning to collect lots more vintage goodies,  including a gold hostess trolley if anyone has one going free?!

I won’t lie, it hasn’t all been easy, it is hard even being good with money occasionally. All of my bills shot up. I have managed to ween myself off stupid EBay buys (With the exception of vintage prizes of course) and I am being strict at where I shop, trying not to be lazy by going to Tesco and going to a cheaper shop instead. I have my monthly outgoings tick list planning my life but this is the first time in years that I haven’t gone over my overdraft. All things considered, I don’t mind on missing out on nights out, party’s or a new vintage dress, I’m more than happy that my money is going into my flat.

Last time I lived alone after eventually kicking one charming man out, I managed around 5 months and it was nearly as much hell as the relationship that ended. I was constantly bailed out as I was horrendous with money; I lost nearly 2 stone after not being able to afford food due to drinking myself into near oblivion with cheap, sweaty boxes of wine, all thanks to my confidence and head being totally fucked up from said charming man. 7 years later and all of that seems like someone else’s story, one that I will never repeat. Lesson most certainly learnt.

I have so many people comment that I should just move back home or get a lodger in so that I can go to university or save up for a mortgage. As nice as achieving both of those would be, I am not planning on moving or moving anyone in with me in the near future. I love having my independence, not putting pressure on myself to save for a mortgage and not sitting in my bedroom every night. I will do it my own way, my mum managed going to University as a single parent with me and my brother for children, so it should be an absolute breeze for me!

One day, I will own my own house, preferably in the Lake District, have 12 Springer Spaniels, some Silkie chickens, I will have grown my first successful strawberry plant and I will have completed my Paramedic course. Until then I am living the life that I want to live, with the people I care about most in it and i absolutely love it. That in its self is a luxury that many don’t have and I know how lucky I am to have it.

So to anyone that always dreams of starting again, whether it’s a new job or total lifestyle change, make that first step. It’s scary, hard work and you will learn a hell of a lot about yourself but in the end it may be everything that you could have hoped for and more. That’s the scary part.

Back on track

I have done it!! I am finally back on track after a mini freak out that i am nearly 30 and hitting a minor midlife crisis. I have spent the past few weeks stuck in my own head, surrounded by my own thoughts of self-doubt and negativity yet again. For some reason, I kept falling back in to the thought that I hadn’t achieved anything with my life and never will. I felt that i had been living someone else’s life, an older life again. I debated moving again, applying for new jobs miles away, changing my career and basically wanted to run away and start from scratch again. So I decided all I needed was a night out to escape. I ended up having more than a few nights out, in fact, I have had more hangovers this past 3 weeks than I have in the past few months.

My last hangover has lasted a strong four days but was totally worth it, I had my first girl’s night out in years, I had such a laugh and my body is aching from so much dancing. This hangover made me realise that I need to stop hovering over the self-destruct button and stop wanting to run away. After speaking to a friend who has always achieved so much in such a short period of time, it made me realise, that could easily be me if I tried.

So, these are my first few days off that I will remain sober in ages and I can’t wait to be hangover free tomorrow. I had initially planned to stay in, bake some sort of banana invention, throw on a face mask, have an aromatherapy bath and start writing again. So far I have only managed to sit down to write and throw on a face mask. In my defense, I hate baking and only own a whisk!

Tomorrows plan will be one of getting back to nourishing myself and my little palace:

  • Gym to get rid of my bourbon filled belly
  • Treating myself to a shiny old vinyl record
  • Sorting my flat out
  • Heading the tip to bin the rest of my issues
  • Pamper myself back to an acceptable appearance
  • Debate baking a banana bread all day before totally refusing to give in to becoming a girl
  • More writing and making art for my walls

I have made a few small changes such as being back on my positive thinking wave length, getting rid of some hangers on who shouldn’t be in my life, I am writing again, meditating and reading and I have decided to stop putting myself down, I know i am in the exact place in life that I want to be. I have just signed a 12 month lease on my flat and decided I need to focus on my career again; I am becoming more proactive finally. It’s time to stop making lists about what I want in life and time to start believing that I can actually achieve my goals. Even though I will continue to make lists of everything, I bloody love making a list.

A few words to my younger self..

If I could write a letter to my younger self, it would go something like this..

OI YOU LITTLE BITCH!..

Just kidding..


-always remember to smile

-You are always good enough.. never listen to the few idiots who try to make you feel less of a person, they are projecting their own issues on you, and they are also arseholes.

-your mum is always right, apart from thinking you like eggs, she won’t remember this until you hit 28 and by that time you won’t actually mind them

-you will loose that ‘puppy fat’ and when you look back, you will realise you were never really fat anyway!

-get rid of the negative influences in your life sooner rather than later

-when you get that first working pay check, for god sake stay away from new look!

-coming second is a big achievement..especially when it’s to someone who is just as creative and ridiculously talented, it’s something to be proud of, nothing to be embarrassed of.

-it’s ok to cry & show emotion, it’s totally ok to ‘cry like a girl’ as you bloody are one!

-what ever you do, do not let that dinner lady force you to eat cauliflower cheese..it doesn’t end well

-be yourself, don’t be so shy and embarrassed. There is nothing wrong with standing out from the crowd.

-everything will make sense in a few years, all of those gut feelings and niggling thoughts will make sense

-massive hoop earrings are a major faux par 

-as is pulling your socks over your finest Lacoste tracky pants 

-you will find your place one day, no more longing of a place to fit in, you will finally find the right fashion sense through vintage everything!

-that empty space you feel that needs filling, will become whole once you start to love yourself ❤

-stop ironing your hair immediately, one day you will want those curls back

-it’s ok not to have a plan, you don’t have to go to uni or college straight away, enjoy being young and free!

And last but not least..

DONT RUN IN CLOGGS YOU DAFT COW!!

The single persons catchphrase

‘Don’t worry, you will meet someone when you least expect it’

Oh how I had missed this phrase after years of being in a relationship. Luckily for me, I am having it thrown at me from around every corner now I am single but I have more than had my fill. The idea of this sentence irritates me. Like every single guy/girl is sat at home every night worrying about being alone forever, or expecting to meet someone and constantly looking at every bloke they talk to for even a hint of attraction.

It always starts the same:

-Any men on the scene?

-Hows the dating going?

-Got yourself a fella yet?

Followed by my standard ‘go-to’ response of ‘no thank god’. I really need a new comeback to these questions..

People don’t seem to realise that a woman can actually choose to be single and like it. I have never been the type of person to need someone to ‘complete’ me. I just don’t understand these people who have a new love of their life every week, or that collect engagement rings or the ones who feel that they need to announce their partner as ‘me werld’ on facebook one minute and a total twat the next, usually for doing something stupid like forgetting to do the dishes.

I am certainly not a ‘bitter man hater’ either. I don’t feel the need to constantly slag men off or go on an ‘all men are dickheads’ rant on facebook. I am totally choosing to be single. I have always been an independent little sausage; taking myself off to the lakes or somewhere quiet when I need to recharge my batteries, going somewhere new alone or just chilling my beans at home. I am now literally dating myself which isn’t always easy, I stubborn as hell and borderline annoying 98% of the time which makes the arguments hard work!!

Another thing I love as much as the above phrase is when people seem to think that you want to be set up with every single man within a 5 mile radius or that if you talk to a guy or make eye contact with him you must be having sex with them on the sly. My favourite attempt at a ‘set up’ was..

‘Ooh I saw you talking to (insert ANY male name here), is there something going on? What about them? Well why don’t you just have some fun with him instead?’

Followed by me shouting ‘Erm, I can sort myself out thanks’ a bit too loudly. Not the best thing to shout in a hospital environment!

So I am not worried, as the phrase states, I know I will meet the perfect guy at the right time. I won’t be settling for any more idiots that asks me out, i have deleted myself off every dating app and i certainly wont go for the one that asked me ‘do you want to be my fuck buddy?’.. I said no of course, who asks such a question?! I am more than happy being on my own, having my own little retro sanctuary, being totally stress free and not being moaned at for leaving Kirkby grips spread around the house (note to guys: this is how women mark their territory).

I am Bridget Jones and living the dream..Now I’m off to eat my body weight in cake and have a hormonal breakdown because i can never have Ryan Gosling in my life..but i do love The Notebook.