Tag Archives: life

Confidence..

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This is a subject I have written about on a few occasions, mostly documenting my experiences as I decided to grow it but mostly as i love confidence and the idea that it can constantly be improved on. What made me see that I needed to gain confidence? I believe it was becoming single after a long term relationship. Having that time alone to evaluate where I was going next in life, I realised that I had never really pushed myself out of my comfort zone, there started my little mission.

I pushed myself into situations that I never thought I would be able to do, the modelling, public speaking, starting this blog, going for a full meal alone, finally getting the balls to go to a gym class and even wearing my hair in vintage styles for work. Whilst some of these might seem small to some, they were massive milestones to me. I had always thought of myself as someone who ‘doesn’t give a fuck’ what others think, I clearly did.

I personally think confidence is the key to success. One small boost can change your whole day and outlook. It is something that we all have inside of us, if we choose not to listen to our inner critic that seems to shout that we can’t do something.

You can’t do that for a career

You can’t have your hair like that

You can’t wear that top

You can’t sing/dance/paint etc.

We are our own worst enemy and while we sit back and criticise ourselves for what other people may think, do or say about what truly makes us happy..those people we are worrying about are actually getting on with their own lives. This seems to be the case as we start getting a little bit older and (hopefully) wiser, our goals and aspirations start to change and we fear what others might think. On a personal note, I used to always think about other people’s views on my career. Those people who only knew me as a party girl and a total mess, I always thought they would judge my ability to do my job. Now I couldn’t care less what they think as I am not that person anymore and those days of being a mess and ruining my life 5 days of the week are thankfully long gone. As you evolve as a person, you start to attract and create new friendships, ones that compliment and mold with your new personality and are on your wave length.

I love seeing how people change over time and become more confident in themselves or starting little business ventures. Everyone is becoming a lot more open to the possibilities out there or creating them and are more accepting of people being ‘different’ or ‘weird’. It’s so much better to embrace what makes us all unique than to turn into the idealistic and unrealistic model that society seems to create.

Ignore that inner voice, push yourself into the unknown and get a little boost of confidence. Do that course, learn how to yodel, go to that convention, wear those embarrassing shoes that you think are cool. Don’t live your life for everyone else, or yours might just pass you by quicker than you expect.

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Don’t be a Sheep

‘The one who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. The one who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been before’

Albert Einstein

I love this quote. Even if it is just a made up one some freak has threw on the internet with ‘Berts name on it, It’s totally speaks to me and my beliefs.

I had always been drawn to vintage fashion and hairstyles but didn’t venture into trying them out until my late 20’s, as I always assumed I should follow the crowd and be normal. As time goes by, people realise that they don’t have to do what everyone else is doing, something that the rare few have been doing for years. Whether that’s in the way we style our clothes and hair, the music we listen to or the jobs we end up in, those routes are followed as that is what we think we should be doing.

One day I just seemed to wake up and realise that I wasn’t doing anything to make myself happy. I was shopping in the same places as everyone else, listening to music that didn’t speak to me at all, styling my hair like everyone else, all just to fit in. Now I don’t want to fit in, I don’t want to be a sheep, I want my own damn flock.

The ‘me’ from 10 years ago wouldn’t recognise me now. Not just in how my style has evolved but how I ended up in pin up modelling and even writing a blog. I have always wanted to be a writer, so my little blog is my way of cracking that one. I’m sure there will be a lot of people in the same position with their own quirky goals. It’s crazy how even one small change can alter the path that you wish to take and can transform you into a brand new person. Mine all started with a very different self-help book.. The life changing magic of not giving a f**k by Sarah Knight and I have never looked back. I frigging love self help books.

I was only able to have a go at the things my soul craved to do once I realised that I really don’t give a shit what other people think and I love to see people doing the same. No one should be put off doing what they enjoy, or be afraid to showcase their talents just because some random loser is too small minded to be happy for other people. When we are about to start a new business venture or hobby we all have those niggling doubts. In my head i questioned my blog..

What will people think?

Am I opening up too much? Being a private person I struggled with this one

Will anyone actually read it?

Can I even write?

Is there any point? 

Looking back this is all just the ego talking, through fear of being bruised. Since deciding to go for it, I have felt so much more creative and confident and as nice as it is to have people subscribe to my blog, I get a lot of happiness from knowing that I am making a start on becoming a writer. As for the future, I don’t know what I will write. I had toyed with the idea of pushing my modelling properly or being a pin up blogger but in truth, i’m sick of seeing my own face these days, it game me an awful point of view on my body and I certainly don’t want to be the type of woman that relies on looks/aesthetics to get by. Plus the effort that goes in to planning some shoots are just tiring, especially when your recuperating from a 60hr working week or a general night shift, the last thing I want to do is practice hair styles, poses, facial expressions or shop for outfits.

So I might just swerve the modelling, change my name to Luna Snowflake Rose and write a self-help book that wouldn’t even help you soak up a spilt glass of wine, let alone guide you through life. Any ideas for a decent spiritual or hippy name are more than welcome..

My last post as a 20-something!

So next week I hit the fabulous milestone that is dirty 30. I would love to say that I have looked at it from a chilled prospective and haven’t freaked out..but that would make me a total liar. I had freaked out something fierce. I was doing amazing until someone mentioned that soon I will never be able to say I’m in my 20’s, ever again.

I am now post freak out, I haven’t changed my hair, career or country of residence, I thought I would get it out there what I have learnt and achieved so far, as, well..why the fuck not.

Here’s five things I have learnt in my 20’s..

  1. To be selfish with my time. Saying no to things you actually don’t want to do is quite an empowering experience, especially when you don’t make up some random excuse like your fish needs a bath. There is nothing wrong with turning down nights out in favour of a Netflix binge in your oldest pj’s. Just say no.
  2. I am not the centre of the universe; I am the centre of my own universe. This goes for other people too. There will always be people who think that the world revolves around them and will be offended if you even breathe in their company, leave them to it and look after your own energy. Create your own reality and be as quirky and extravagant as you want.
  3. Not all those close to you have your best interest at heart. This I learnt in my early 20’s. Some are only around for the gossip, some only acquaintances. When you’re younger you can have a massive friendship circle. This will slowly whittle down once you gain different interests or simply grow apart. You learn to recognise who you want to keep around, those who cheer you on, who don’t try to make you feel guilty for having a life, who you would trust with anything and those who understand your weird ways; even if you have known them for 5 years or 5 mins, keep the ones who know when to make you laugh.
  4. You can’t rely on anyone else to make you happy, true happiness comes from within. Learn to love yourself and the rest will follow. How can you expect other people to like you if you don’t like yourself? Embrace your faults and flaws; they are what make us all unique after all
  5. Its ok if you don’t know what you want to do in your life. I have only just realised what I want to do, yet I still constantly search for something different and exiting. Although I am closet geek and love learning new things. Or I get bored easy, who cares!

Usually people look back at a milestone and think that they haven’t achieved their goals when they should be looking at what they have achieved. I have achieved a hell of a lot personally, to some these may prove insignificant but to me, they are major achievements. I have gained my independence, moved to a brand new area and started again, tried pin up modelling and have been internationally published in two magazines, stood up in front of strangers and gave a 20 minute talk without literally shitting my pants, got on an airplane on my own and writing this blog. I still constantly freak out with every post being a very private person but I love writing and throwing what I am learning about life out there.

Mostly I am proud that I am not the same person I was when I was 20. That girl seems like a complete stranger for more reasons than I could begin to list and I couldn’t be happier. I mildly disliked my very early 20’s whilst my late 20’s have been amazing. I have learnt so much, mostly about myself. So I am now actually looking forward to what i will learn in my 30’s.

So instead of looking at your failures, embrace them as lessons and focus on what you are really proud of, even if society says you shouldn’t be..

There is nothing wrong if you get to thirty and haven’t bought your own house but can make a bloody good roast dinner.. that’s an achievement in its own right!

Old Hollywood Glam..

 

So the advice to every model before a shoot goes something like this..

  • Drink plenty of water
  • Have an early night and lots of sleep
  • Practice a good skin care routine
  • Plan and pack your shoot bag in plenty of time

As usual, i didn’t follow any of the above. At 6am on the morning of the shoot, i had just finished a block of 2 days & three nights. Those five shifts consisted of copious amounts of tea, several ham & cheese toasties, maybe 3 cups of water and hardly one decent night/days sleep. I did however manage to cut down to two bars of chocolate and one bag of popcorn, which is a big deal for me, i have basically starved myself.

I rocked up to the studio after having only four hours sleep, which were interrupted by my smoke alarm being set off thanks to the builders of the flat below mine, smoking away.

The shoot actually went really well, even with the added threat of a bloody big spot appearing, i knew i should have followed pre-shoot advice. Thankfully the MUA worked her magic and made it disappear!

Thankfully the shoot went really well and we did manage to get some fab images in the look we were going for!

The studio itself was in the Baltic Triangle area of Liverpool in Make, a building full of all kinds of creatives including photographers, musicians and lots of local businesses. I could instantly feel my creative side slowly coming back to life, it made me miss being in a creative environment, time to get my ass into gear again.

So, my first shoot in a few months was a success.. now i have three more to plan for and a studio day to sort out.

Its a good job i’m a massive geek with a passion for planning, organization and a spreadsheet!

Model: https://www.instagram.com/rubywildepinup/

Images: https://www.instagram.com/chrisevophoto/

MUA: https://www.instagram.com/ameliagillartistry/

 

October Goals..

The trees are about to show us how lovely it can be to let the dead things go..

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I bloody love October and everything about Autumn. The colours of the changing leaves, the chill in the air and chunky boots but most of all, I love that I can finally dig out my skirts and tights! I must be part of the minority that has more skirts for winter than I do for summer.

So with it being the 1st today, I’m starting a fresh. I haven’t done any form of writing for weeks, not just on my blog but any writing in general. Over the past few months I have been scribbling in a note book constantly, trying to think of ideas for books, blogs or short stories but I have totally lacked inspiration. Today, that has changed.

I woke up this morning like a new woman. Hangover free and ready for change.

I have set a few little goals for October and I intend to hit every one of them..

  1. Spend more time in nature – either head up to the lakes or wander around the park
  2. Spend less time worrying about what people say/think
  3. Get back to modelling shoots – I only stopped due to number 2..
  4. Start writing again
  5. Do more things that feed my soul and make me not want to spend so much time on my phone
  6. Stop thinking about work on my days off and essentially work on having a life separate from my day job, my job doesn’t define me as a person
  7. Learn to say who I am without using age, occupation or gender but as a person
  8. Forgive myself for previous mistakes or failures – we all make them!

These might seem like crap/small goals to some but to others they will see the importance of setting and reaching them. I see them as a method of self-improvement and to help me get back to being my authentic self, not the ideal created by what others say or think that I should do. I am now a firm believer in relying on the one person that I know can create peace and happiness in my life, that’s myself. So far this year I have realised that I don’t need to depend on anyone else to make me happy but those that come in to my life and make me smile or laugh are a total blessing.

I also said above that i love all things about Autumn but that may be a slight lie..the one thing i cant stand is this obsession with pumpkin spice latte’s, nothing good can come of this. Give me a baileys hot chocolate any day 🙂

Why I Refuse To Be A Blogging Stereotype! A Guest Post By LOVE HAYLEY BETH

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When you join the facebook support groups you are told your Instagram must have a theme, that you have to fit in a box or your readers will get confused. That if you are a beauty blogger you can forget about writing about a nice restaurant you went to and if you do someone will say well I believe they call it lifestyle blogging as though it is a lower form of blog.
Well, I say NO!
 
Why should all of my photos be the same shade of pink? If I want to take a picture of a burger one day and a swan the next, quite frankly I will! Really how is blocking my creativity healthy?
My blog is also an extension of me and I like more than one thing, so let’s face it I am going to write more than one thing! I like perfume but I also have anxiety is it so wrong that I write about the both of them or that some times I want to introduce you to an awesome business?
But the one thing I point blank refuse to write about is how to blog or how to monetise your blog. Yes, these blogs are incredibly helpful when it comes to understanding Instagram algorithms and how to use plug ins on WordPress but not every blogger needs to be writing these posts. Right now the internet is oversaturated with these posts just recycling the same information over and over again. It is unnecessary.
I worry for new bloggers who enter this world all doe eyed and fresh reading these post filling them with misconceptions and expectation that quite frankly it will scare them off!
Be you. Write you. But most of all just write what makes you happy!

Six Months Later..


Exactly six months ago, I made the decision to completely pack my life up and relocate to a totally new area. An area to which I had only driven through on one or two occasions, my first time going was the day that I viewed my flat that I am in now before paying my deposit the very same day and I have never looked back.I have no idea why I chose this area. I had never even thought of it, I didn’t know my way around, I didn’t know one person around there and I had no family closer than a 30/40 minute drive away.

Six months on.. it remains one of the best decisions that I have ever made and today I have just signed a 12 month renewal contract.

I had a conversation with my mum before I moved about how I would be moving so far away from friends and that I would never see anyone, that didn’t change much as I hardly seen anyone anyway. I still see my lovely family as often as shift work will allow, constantly keep in touch on Facebook and I have since found a few mates nearby.

I am finally getting my space the way I like it, with a few retro vibes and quirky bits on the wall and I’m planning to collect lots more vintage goodies,  including a gold hostess trolley if anyone has one going free?!

I won’t lie, it hasn’t all been easy, it is hard even being good with money occasionally. All of my bills shot up. I have managed to ween myself off stupid EBay buys (With the exception of vintage prizes of course) and I am being strict at where I shop, trying not to be lazy by going to Tesco and going to a cheaper shop instead. I have my monthly outgoings tick list planning my life but this is the first time in years that I haven’t gone over my overdraft. All things considered, I don’t mind on missing out on nights out, party’s or a new vintage dress, I’m more than happy that my money is going into my flat.

Last time I lived alone after eventually kicking one charming man out, I managed around 5 months and it was nearly as much hell as the relationship that ended. I was constantly bailed out as I was horrendous with money; I lost nearly 2 stone after not being able to afford food due to drinking myself into near oblivion with cheap, sweaty boxes of wine, all thanks to my confidence and head being totally fucked up from said charming man. 7 years later and all of that seems like someone else’s story, one that I will never repeat. Lesson most certainly learnt.

I have so many people comment that I should just move back home or get a lodger in so that I can go to university or save up for a mortgage. As nice as achieving both of those would be, I am not planning on moving or moving anyone in with me in the near future. I love having my independence, not putting pressure on myself to save for a mortgage and not sitting in my bedroom every night. I will do it my own way, my mum managed going to University as a single parent with me and my brother for children, so it should be an absolute breeze for me!

One day, I will own my own house, preferably in the Lake District, have 12 Springer Spaniels, some Silkie chickens, I will have grown my first successful strawberry plant and I will have completed my Paramedic course. Until then I am living the life that I want to live, with the people I care about most in it and i absolutely love it. That in its self is a luxury that many don’t have and I know how lucky I am to have it.

So to anyone that always dreams of starting again, whether it’s a new job or total lifestyle change, make that first step. It’s scary, hard work and you will learn a hell of a lot about yourself but in the end it may be everything that you could have hoped for and more. That’s the scary part.

Back on track

I have done it!! I am finally back on track after a mini freak out that i am nearly 30 and hitting a minor midlife crisis. I have spent the past few weeks stuck in my own head, surrounded by my own thoughts of self-doubt and negativity yet again. For some reason, I kept falling back in to the thought that I hadn’t achieved anything with my life and never will. I felt that i had been living someone else’s life, an older life again. I debated moving again, applying for new jobs miles away, changing my career and basically wanted to run away and start from scratch again. So I decided all I needed was a night out to escape. I ended up having more than a few nights out, in fact, I have had more hangovers this past 3 weeks than I have in the past few months.

My last hangover has lasted a strong four days but was totally worth it, I had my first girl’s night out in years, I had such a laugh and my body is aching from so much dancing. This hangover made me realise that I need to stop hovering over the self-destruct button and stop wanting to run away. After speaking to a friend who has always achieved so much in such a short period of time, it made me realise, that could easily be me if I tried.

So, these are my first few days off that I will remain sober in ages and I can’t wait to be hangover free tomorrow. I had initially planned to stay in, bake some sort of banana invention, throw on a face mask, have an aromatherapy bath and start writing again. So far I have only managed to sit down to write and throw on a face mask. In my defense, I hate baking and only own a whisk!

Tomorrows plan will be one of getting back to nourishing myself and my little palace:

  • Gym to get rid of my bourbon filled belly
  • Treating myself to a shiny old vinyl record
  • Sorting my flat out
  • Heading the tip to bin the rest of my issues
  • Pamper myself back to an acceptable appearance
  • Debate baking a banana bread all day before totally refusing to give in to becoming a girl
  • More writing and making art for my walls

I have made a few small changes such as being back on my positive thinking wave length, getting rid of some hangers on who shouldn’t be in my life, I am writing again, meditating and reading and I have decided to stop putting myself down, I know i am in the exact place in life that I want to be. I have just signed a 12 month lease on my flat and decided I need to focus on my career again; I am becoming more proactive finally. It’s time to stop making lists about what I want in life and time to start believing that I can actually achieve my goals. Even though I will continue to make lists of everything, I bloody love making a list.

Festival Fun

I have just rolled in from a weekend of attempting to be a festival bunny, stinking to high heaven after abusing baby wipes, eating cold beans, curry and burgers for breakfast.

Last year, Kendal Calling was my first ever festival and it was amazing, the sun was shining, it didn’t rain once and nearly every act we saw was unbelievable. This year was a tad different. Instead of being woken up by the smell of bacon and birds tweeting, we were woken by rain battering our tent, something that we had been totally prepared for, not so much for the mud.

It was so damn thick, yet managed to outsmart us. We thought this year, we would be crafty and pay for a pre erected tent to save our little arms carrying everything, since last time we all had arms like Mr Tickle; the mud had other ideas. It took us forever to find our tent, we nearly lost our wellies getting stuck in the mud and we all had burning calves after the trek through the depths of churned up fields that smelt pretty suspect too.

Nothing a few drinks couldn’t solve! So we made a little funnel out of tin foil and decanted our Bourbon into two Capri Sun pouches, shoved them down our pants and skipped off to wade through the slop again. The first night was a slight blare.. We listened to some cool music, hit the fair, the silent disco and maybe the Glow Tent..my mind goes very, VERY hazy midway through the silent disco, after changing my headphones four times because ‘they were broken’. It was clearly me that was broken, I was a hot mess. On the mission back to the tent, myself and my friend ended up losing each other and wandering into the wrong field, I fell into 3, maybe 4 tents, fell over numerous tent ropes and caked myself in mud, before randomly bumping into my mate in the wrong field again.

This pretty sums up the whole weekend as we proceeded to burn a hole in our lovely rented tent, ended up sleeping on the floor thanks to some awesome blow up beds, wrapped up in foil blankets, heard a couple having some pretty uninspiring sex (or struggling to pack their tent up) and spent the whole last day speaking in an Australian Accent. I have never said the word ‘Salamander’ so much in my life. I don’t even really know what a salamander is, although I do know that it is not in fact, a baby dragon.

Although I absolutely loved the weekend as it was spent with two absolutely bonkers ladies that make me howl, it has made me realise I may be getting to old for this camping malarkey, even though I’m only 29!

I used to love a good four day bender, camping and not having to wash my hair for any long period of time, now I would rather the opposite! The post-camping smell is totally soul destroying, I can’t cope with sleeping for less than 6 hours a weekend and I bloody love a pair of slippers, a festival no-no. So next year, we are going to do it properly and make our own festival!

It wasn’t all bad, some serious life lessons have been learnt..

  1. Putting a gas camping stove on the ground sheet of a tent will result in a serious hole in the floor
  2. The truth about Dolphins
  3. The smell of a festival toilet never really leaves you
  4. Capri Sun pouches are an alcohol smugglers dream
  5. Don’t let Kayleigh drive shot gun, unless you like having perforated eardrums or listening to the ‘Miley Cyrus’
  6. My Australian accent is borderline offensive.

A few words to my younger self..

If I could write a letter to my younger self, it would go something like this..

OI YOU LITTLE BITCH!..

Just kidding..


-always remember to smile

-You are always good enough.. never listen to the few idiots who try to make you feel less of a person, they are projecting their own issues on you, and they are also arseholes.

-your mum is always right, apart from thinking you like eggs, she won’t remember this until you hit 28 and by that time you won’t actually mind them

-you will loose that ‘puppy fat’ and when you look back, you will realise you were never really fat anyway!

-get rid of the negative influences in your life sooner rather than later

-when you get that first working pay check, for god sake stay away from new look!

-coming second is a big achievement..especially when it’s to someone who is just as creative and ridiculously talented, it’s something to be proud of, nothing to be embarrassed of.

-it’s ok to cry & show emotion, it’s totally ok to ‘cry like a girl’ as you bloody are one!

-what ever you do, do not let that dinner lady force you to eat cauliflower cheese..it doesn’t end well

-be yourself, don’t be so shy and embarrassed. There is nothing wrong with standing out from the crowd.

-everything will make sense in a few years, all of those gut feelings and niggling thoughts will make sense

-massive hoop earrings are a major faux par 

-as is pulling your socks over your finest Lacoste tracky pants 

-you will find your place one day, no more longing of a place to fit in, you will finally find the right fashion sense through vintage everything!

-that empty space you feel that needs filling, will become whole once you start to love yourself ❤

-stop ironing your hair immediately, one day you will want those curls back

-it’s ok not to have a plan, you don’t have to go to uni or college straight away, enjoy being young and free!

And last but not least..

DONT RUN IN CLOGGS YOU DAFT COW!!