Over the past few weeks I have let my creative side take a back seat, well with the exception of modelling. Last month I went out and bought a load or canvases, paint, oil/chalk pastels and decided to sit down and get the better side of messy. I painted one, done the background of two, then left those to one side to gather dust in my little arty corner surrounded by fabric slices and a glue gun.
Over the weekend, I was absolutely worn out, I have pushed myself too far over the past few weeks to the point of being ill and burnt out. I actually left a family party at midnight due to being that exhausted. I’m usually the first to be drunk and the last one to leave but I just couldn’t function, even after having several beers I couldn’t wake up. The next morning I woke up shattered. Had a full English with the rents and headed home. It’s taken it’s toll so much that I actually looked like a bag of boiled shite that had been set a lite and stamped on.
So I decided to do something I hadn’t done for ages..chill my beans.
I sat in my little crib, drank herbal tea and ate so much cake. I managed to do a little chakra meditation, I caught up with a few sets from Glasto and actually finished a painting..all in my pjs!
This morning I woke up feeling the best I had in a few weeks, ready for five 12 hour day shifts this week..
Monday will not kick my arse this week, if anything..I will kick the arse out of Monday with some pure positive vibes ✌️
As I have said on more than one occasion, it’s time to start listening to my body and slowing down..now I actually will. Even though by Friday, I think the smile may have been beaten out of me after 60hrs but I will sleep like a baby Friday night. I’m still not motivated enough to hit the gym after work though, the only way that will happen is if they start to serve prosecco in their water fountain, that would get me there every night!!
I’m blogging al fresco today! I’m currently sat in the park, thoroughly chilling my beans.
I have been non stop lately, barely having a day to recharge. It’s got to the point this week where I’m finally run down and sound like Barry white. I have joked that it’s ‘maga aids’ from my holiday but I managed to avoid not only so much as communicating with the dickhead ‘joey essex wannabes’ of Magaluf but all the mayhem that goes with mad holidays. I just went to float in the sea! It’s my own fault as I always get ill when I push myself too hard and never learn.
So I’ve decided to take some much needed ‘me’ time. Due to some amazing planning,mostly my own fault, I was due to have one day off in 15 days, thanks to filling my time with shoots,work & overtime because I’m an idiot. So I cancelled tonight’s shift.
Tonight’s new plan: No worrying looking for overtime shifts, no shoot planning, no lists, no working out my money every two minutes and definitely no housework! Instead i’m going for a candle lit bath, face mask, film night & herbal tea ❤ a full girly recharge in all its glory. Which is ironic as I always considered myself far, FAR from girly. I give in, totally!!
Now, I’m sat in the park, listening to pink clouds division bell with my bare feet on the grass and it feels awesome. I spent every nice day in the park when I moved but haven’t for a few weeks with being so busy. Totally forgot how much I love chilling outside.
I may disintegrate in the sun being a fake ginger and all, but at least I would be reduced to dust with a big smile on my face and a positive attitude.. LIFE IS GOOD ✌️
Exactly a year ago today, I was sat on my mates couch drinking vodka, getting ready to pack my life into bin bags, move back home and start all over again.
Fast forward a year, I’m sat on a beach looking out to sea and listening to the waves crashing on the rocks.
A lot has changed over the past year, not only my situation but my whole mind set. I’m much more positive, confident and I seem to be spilling my emotional beans all over the place, something I never thought I’d be able to do. Since doing so,not only have I changed but people’s attitudes towards me have changed. I seem to be meeting people with the exact same thinking as me and I have been given some amazing opportunities so I have a lot more to get exited about this year.
I’ve learnt how to be on my own again and to enjoy my own company, I’ve also got my creative side back and haven’t stopped laughing for the past few months, especially at the most random things!
The last few days I have spent with my beautifully bonkers friend at her home in Spain and have had an absolute ball, just what I needed. Not only did I totally conquer my fear of flying and flown completely alone (anxiety free) but I went on a bar crawl and ended up spray painted as a giraffe/zebra style thing. Both things I never thought I would do, especially in Magaluf!!
Tomorrow I will be spending my last few hours drifting about in the sea and jumping over waves again before I head back to reality, straight in to work.. but that doesn’t bother me i the slightest. I couldn’t be happier than I am right now ❤
Although all this positivity may change tomorrow..as someone forgot to put sun cream on their face and it’s been around 100 degrees today!
Last night while in work I made the decision to pack in the whole pin up modelling thing, I got sick of looking at my own face and trying to promote my pages, thinking it’s going no where and essentially feeling like a dick promoting myself, which has always made me feel uncomfortable!
I woke up today ready to get rid of my pages, save my pictures and put it all down to experience. Then I started to see little signs. I woke to check my clock at 11.11, my car miles on the way to the gym were 111, my heart rate on the devils cross trainer was 111, then I looked at 11.11 mins left, then 1.11 mins to go and 1.11 mins on the rower.
I’m a huge believer in the whole 11.11 thing, that it is a sign that your doing everything the way you should be at that very minute.
The first time I had ever seen it was after I had packed up my life and returned home, after crying at my wheel for 10 mins and my lovely Mum coming out to hug me,I looked at the clock on my car..11.11..it has since been everywhere,especially around when I’m making a decision, like the day I viewed my flat..which turned out to be my best decision yet.
Fast forward to this afternoon..as I was walking out of the gym, I had a phone call from a studio to tell me that I had won a Facebook competition for a burlesque style shoot, which is exactly how I got in to pin up, winning a facebook comp! Tonight, I have also been offered 3 more shoots. Time to quit doubting myself and stay positive..I could always blag a PA to sort my promotions out 😂