Tag Archives: internet dating

Curse of the Fuck boy/Bad boy

Last time I was single, over 4 ish years ago, there was no such thing as a ‘fuck boy’, there were just dick heads that you would steer clear of. Then last year, I saw the term getting banded around on social media. I always thought the girls who go after these guys are absolute idiots who must know full well what they are getting themselves into. Just like the same idiots who chase after bad boys constantly. It turns out i am now in that idiot category.

My ideas of the difference between a fuck boy and a bad boy;

Bad Boys:

-Exude confidence to the point that it’s contagious

-Unique rebel – will smoke in front of a non-smoking sign

-Claims not to follow trends, then grows a beard and gets a tattoo

-Has a certain cheek that draws you in

-Will flirt with your mates just because he can

-Known for causing trouble or murder with your mates

-Will happily get into a relationship with you, until he finds something shinier to play with

-He’s not one for meeting the rents or making future plans

-Will make no effort to convince you that he isn’t a dick, he totally owns it.

-Their purpose in life is to give you that awesome memory to look back on, that excitement, fun fiery fling to fantasize about when you’re old and not getting any.

Fuck Boys:

-Will reel you in with comments of your future until you are convinced it’s going somewhere, even if it’s an offer to go to Nando’s next month

-Will constantly compliment you while your together, then not speak to you for weeks

-Randomly requests nudes and you know full well they will be shown to his mates

-Appear cheeky and cute, can only hide the dick head undercurrent for at least 3/4 dates

– Speak only in emojis, like the water splashes, tongue and especially that poor, violated marrow thing

– Use terms like ‘dick appointment’, because he is a twat.

-Has the ability to make you forget why you stopped talking, or exchanging emoji’s

-Pretends to be a nice guy but only cares about himself

– Usually very hot, and they know it

-Their idea of flirting is – what would you be doing if I was there now? Or in their vocab – wha wud u be doin if I was ther?

– Their purpose in life is to lead you on and play with your feelings more than they play with you.

My advice to any ladies dating either..

Have that hot, fiery fling with the bad boy, you will need that to reminisce on. Also, you need that one guy that your mates can keep bringing up after every night on the wine.

If you must pick from the fuck boy tree, treat him the same. There is nothing wrong with a disposable fling,  don’t book that table at Nando’s and whatever you do, don’t use that poor marrow plant emoji in conversation!!

To summarise, you know what you are getting with a bad boy, a fuck boy however, is a bit of a snake. I am usually such a good judge of character and bin them off as soon as I get a hint. Although I have to admit, like many others have fallen into the trap of one, hooked on good vibes, the promises of future outings, having amazing nights together and wondering if you could give up your beloved freedom for them. This is not me at all. I can control my emotional beans for ages, these fuck boys are damn good,  damn hot and are actually damn likeable. Now i have learnt to play the game and play it well. Also, these strange alluring creatures are found mostly on Tinder.

A classic case of ‘no spark’

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It is 12.00am on a Friday morning. I have not long got home from another first date. It appears I still haven’t learnt my lesson, that I attract guys from the strange walks of life. Unfortunately I cannot blame Tinder for this one, I totally blame Bumble and my own lack of judgement.

So, spending the night swiping through the app I looked at this guy’s profile. Instead of pictures of him in Thailand on some exotic animal, wrestling a tiger or skiing, there was a fancy dress picture of him in a dress. Fair play I thought, it was certainly different and quite cute, he also described himself as the real Ross Gellar. So as per bumble rules, I had to message within 24hrs. I sent a message complimenting on his ability to pull off a dress, wig and knee high socks. After a few messages we were getting on really well, seemed to have the same humour and both liked similar music, always a winner. After a few days chatting we swapped numbers and arranged a date, to some quirky bar with my kind of music. I wasn’t really nervous or bothered about this one, I thought of it as just going out with a mate after how well we had gotten on. I didn’t even have an advance outfit planned or hair & make up, not like me at all. I always have a date outfit planned at least 3 days in advance in my head!

I turned up early for once; he was sat waiting with a White Russian (WTF milk on a night out?!) for himself and a standard southern comfort for me. First impressions, not at all what I would normally go for at all but he came across alright. He looked a lot different from his pictures and had the strangest accent that took me by surprise, almost as much as how he pronounced the word ‘practice’ as ‘pratice’. We had a nice chat but it quickly became apparent that it was all business. I didn’t fancy him at all, no little sparks, no laughs and there weren’t enough pints in the word that would tempt me to a sleepover! He pointed out that he had small hands for some reason, then I was mesmerized, they made mine look massive, I refrained from a previous small hand joke, totally inappropriate.

I made the excuse that I wanted to beat the late night scramble for a taxi and said I was leaving. He offered me money for my cab, which I didn’t take and walked me to the taxi rank. I gave him a hug, skilfully swerved the attempt at a kiss and gave the ‘thanks for a nice night and it was nice to meet you’ brush off line, which I have learnt is code for ‘thanks but no thanks’. This did not work, as his parting line as i closed the taxi door happy i didn’t get asked for a second date, was ‘I will throw you a text and we will sort something out’. I clearly need to come up with a more inventive/brutal way to end dates successfully. i could use a line used on me the other week..’well, i’m sure i will speak to you again at some point’. a personal favorite brush off, straight to the point, leaving no room for hope.

I am a firm believer in personality, laughter and butterflies; I’m not one to go for looks. Looks fade over time, so if you’re with some absolute wanker who is hot as hell, eventually when their looks fade away, you will be left with just an absolute wanker.

With that said, they should ideally be a two pint minimum on the sleepover scale.

To date or not to date!

I am now around 6 months into this dating malarkey and all I can say is it has been emotional to say the least. Since my last dating post about the three lovely fella’s I dated from tinder, I have yet to go on another. The experience of the giraffe kisser, inappropriate joker and the guy with the dodgy movie choice may have put me off slightly. Since then I have spoken to a few guys, we have swapped numbers and exchanged numerous ‘normal’ messages then it doesn’t go anywhere. Which I am secretly happy about, I have started to plan a few dates then realised I actually don’t want to go on one. I don’t feel the need to go out and date just because I can, even if it would provide me with another funny story to add to my dating collection and a free meal. Considering I only seem to attract freaks at the minute, I’m definitely wary! Plus the smallest thing puts me off, those roll eye emoji’s in conversations piss me off straight away, roll your eyes in someone else’s inbox, passive aggressive comments will make you sound like a total wanker and anyone who wants to hit me with some ‘life lessons’, I’m good thanks, at least have a normal conversation before you try to change my mindset. So unless the conversation is flowing nicely, i’m getting good vibes and the guy doesn’t say lol or call me hun all the time, i wont be playing out, i will be washing my hair or i’ll have to stay in to tape the 40 year old virgin on VHS in case ITV decide to stop showing it.

I haven’t been on a date since January, it feels like two weeks ago not months! Last week my single curiosity got the better of me though, when I heard about a new dating app called ‘bumble’. I felt like I was missing out, so the obvious thing was to sign up straight away and have a nosey at these blokes who have swerved Tinder in search of a better place. I had forgotten how addictive these dating apps are! This app is different to tinder, the girl has to send the first message within 24hrs, then the guy has to reply in 24hrs or the match disappears. So i have been trying to thing of witty one liners to open with and failing miserably. It would seem that no one can hold a conversation, i need to get back to going out and letting alcohol make my dating decisions again, as that has worked out amazingly so far..

What i have learnt, according to some secret rule, on a guy’s profile they must have pictures including snowboarding, on a mountain, some sort of wild animal, one in Thailand and with a random girl. Also, what is everyone’s obsession with height? Apparently this is a big thing in the girl world, something that I have never even thought about! Surly one of the main questions to address should be shoe choice instead?! Tall, dark and shit shoes does not make a perfect match.