Tag Archives: facebook

Drifting Apart..

This post has been inspired by the picture above; it is a statement that I understand more and more as I get older. When we are younger we all seem to be offended if friends drift apart, stop calling or turn down invitations; there is always the odd few who need to have a confrontation or ‘cut you out’ as the cool cats seem to say these days. Social media dictates that it is normal to start an argument with your mate for not liking your latest post about your fella’s cat on Facebook. Or that when someone decides to delete you, it’s a declaration of war; ever thought that isn’t the case, maybe they want their posts to only been seen by actual friends, not 6401 acquaintances on Facebook.

From late teens to early twenties it seems like we have loads of friends. Friends from school, college, university, work or those that you only see on a weekend when you are out getting absolutely mortal and ruining your life. Then one by one, priorities start to change. Someone might get married, have a baby, go travelling or concentrate on building a business or career whilst the rest are busy or carry on waving those glow sticks, raving and misbehaving. We watch our ‘Omg we need to arrange a catch up’ list get bigger and bigger.

And you know what..there’s sod all wrong with any of that.

As our interests and priorities change we outgrow each other, in the same way that you can outgrow a relationship, you still like each other but you are both different people. Outgrowing friends is not a bad thing as it shows how we are maturing or evolving into our own person. The more our interests and thoughts change, there more we attract people of similar values into our lives.

Take this for example. In my early to mid-20’s, I spent every possible moment going out getting severely drunk, not giving a shit about my health or having a career and I attracted the same into my life. Basically i was a hot mess. Now I have taken an interest in my health and investing in myself, my circle is getting a hell of a lot smaller. We all hit these stages at different times, some a lot earlier than others. I am starting to learn how to distance myself from patterns and behaviours that don’t match who I aspire to be as a person and I am slowly drifting away from those who don’t have my best interests at heart. I distance myself from everything when I need to work on myself and put myself first. I had never felt the need to fall out with anyone for wanting to improve on themselves and I am the type of person who loves to see people off doing what they love, regardless of what others think. I still love having a little browse to see how everyone else is getting on, seeing how people are changing over the years, how their kids are growing, their careers changing and families.

Personally, I have always been a bit of a closed book when it comes to friendships. Some of this lies in being burnt by people in the past but mostly by just being a private person. I had never felt the need to talk to people every day to maintain a friendship and it was near impossible to bear my soul to anyone but after the past few years that is changing. The circle I have around me now is amazing, I know I could call any one of them when I need advice or to be told just how much of an ‘idiot’ I have been and I couldn’t imagine a time without them, even if sometimes we do just communicate in memes. Although you are all totally replaceable before you get cocky!

So if you start to drift away from people it’s totally natural, there is no need to post a passive aggressive update, just do it. Those that try to make you feel bad for changing your life, do you really need that kind of negativity??

Keep those around you who fan your flames, not dampen them.

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The worlds fastest relationship

Moving-Too-Fast

Society these days demands everything fast, fast food, fast coffee and apparently fast relationships.

For this one, I have only have Tinder and my own pure curiosity to blame. What happened to tat stupid damn cat again?! So on facebook I got a random message and friend request from a guy, the conversation went like this;

‘Hey, how are you? xx’

‘Do I know you?’

‘No, I just appreciate a pretty face, saw you on facebook and thought I would add you, can we be friends? xx’

‘Sorry I don’t make a habit of adding strange guys from facebook’

‘What makes you think I am a strange guy?’ xx

He clearly didn’t understand a polite-ish brush off when he read one. I ignored that last question, thinking the answer was pretty obvious. A few days later, I received another message.. ’can we be friends? xx’ my first thought, just fuck off please friend..but as I’m one curious cow, I thought I would add him for a snoop. Then followed the ‘likes’ on every post and loads of pictures, followed by messages. It started off just general chit chat, asking about the usual shite. A few messages in, he built his little self-up to ask me out, to which I politely declined by saying that I’m not dating anyone at the minute but thanks anyway. I had deleted Tinder at this point and had hit up bumble, he didn’t know this. He didn’t give up, his reply was that he had seen me initially on tinder, not facebook. So when I tried to explain again that I’m not dating, he suggested a drink as friends. I said that I would let him know when I get some time off and I actually debated going on a cheeky date, as the rest had all gone so well and provided nothing more than pure entertainment.

This is when it all went a bit tits up and passive aggressive. ‘I suppose I will just have to wait and see if you get any time off then’. That was a strong reply that would change my mind if there ever was one. The messages that followed were amazing telling me that I shouldn’t be renting, I should look to buy a place, about money, savings and basically trying to give me life lessons. SOUND. Again, my mind began screaming ‘fuck off pal’. I can’t stand people trying to impart unwanted life lessons on me. I ignored a few more messages asking when I am free, why we can’t go for a drink in between my shifts and that he is not a big drinker anyway.

That night, I was on a night shift and went back on Tinder, again out of pure curiosity, plus talking about my dating disasters, I kind of missed the entertainment! I love how exited people get when they have a go on it, especially when they get over exited and match you with some absolute meat head that looks like he would try to rob the whey protein from a field of cows. I wish I still had that kind of love for Tinder. The next afternoon, I woke to a snotty passive aggressive message from my new friend. It went something along these lines..

‘how’s you? Just saw you on tinder, here’s me waiting for you to ‘give me a shout’. No hard feelings, hope we can stay friends’.

Now, I am not a morning person. I don’t like waking up in general, especially after my usual 4 hours kip after my night shift. Waking up to read that message, the undertone of pissed off surprised me. Plus I doubt we were actually friends?!

My reply was basic.. ‘wow, we all went on it for a laugh in work’ which was technically true.

His next reply gave me a white hot flash of anger.

‘Can you see my point of view though, I can’t see you messaging saying you’re ready to go out for a drink, I guess I will just have to guess which weekend your off. Don’t be angry with me please’ followed by one of those emoji’s with the rolling eyes. Right then dickhead, i cant stand being given the rolling eyes, its way too much emphasis on one small shitty face.

I don’t know if it was the rolling eyes emoji, the passive aggressive wording or the fact I’m not exactly an easy going person with sleep deprivation but I was all of a sudden awake and through my little half asleep squinty eyes, I began to furiously type away. I may have been a tad harsh..

‘First off we are not in a relationship, we haven’t even had a date. I’ve explained my situation to you which you clearly don’t understand. I don’t appreciate waking up to passive aggressive messages at all. I have rid my life of negative idiots who like to speak to me like that and having to explain myself to a total stranger is not what I want. So that’s the last I will say on the matter **thumbs up emoji** im off to work so I don’t want to debate this matter anymore.’ i very nearly threw in the rolling eyes emoji but felt the thumbs up gave more effect.

In my head, this was totally justified and it done the trick as he said to just delete and block him then. What an excellent idea!

So, within the space of around 2 weeks, I had managed to cram in an argument and breakup with someone I had never met, let alone had a date with. Moral of the story, don’t accept random friend requests and don’t piss me off when I’m tired.