Tag Archives: conversation

Head Space

On my little three day trip to Spain I managed to do some serious soul searching. Lately I have lost my way a bit. I had totally thrown myself into modelling as well as doing my job and cramming as much over time in as humanly possible.

All of my new positive activities had been kicked to the kerb. I was back to eating crap, no more yoga, no more meditation, slowed down blogging, no more walks around the park or chilling my beans. My days off were crammed with arranging shoots, planning outfits, poses, travel time, preparation and trying to function on very little sleep. Cramming four shoots in a month is not the best idea. I literally felt drained.

So on the Sunday, after 2 hours sleep I headed to a networking shoot. Then straight from the shoot, I had to rush home, grab my suitcase and haul ass to the airport. I got myself one big ass pint of cider and rang my mum. This was the first time I had flown on my own and I’m a terribly flyer. I looked at it as some time to chill on my own.

I boarded the plane and threw my headphones in, for the first hour I listened to a guided meditation on Spotify. I managed to coach my breathing right through the take off and didn’t get one tiny ounce of anxiety. I also done the same on the way back, although this time I was surrounded by 6 million children, who decided to scream as we were landing, I very, very nearly lost my shit and joined in with the screaming.

I had an amazing few days. The friend I went to visit, I had known for 10 years which has flown! For the first time I was totally honest with her, going into some pretty deep stuff that I would never normally talk about. It must have been the pool/lilo/sun effect as I was totally sober! Afterwards I didn’t feel as bad as I thought I would opening up like that. My little mini break was certainly an experience in every sense Down at the beach I lay down, burning to an absolute crisp and revaluated the past few weeks and what is most important to me. It’s then a realised I’m doing too much and need to slow down. I left my phone in the apartment whenever we went out and felt like i had gained a sense of freedom. My phone has done nothing but ping lately, to the point that I have silenced most of my notifications. Luckily I had my picture mad friend to document the whole thing.

So from my holiday revaluation I will be doing the following:

– Making more time for myself, get back to enjoying nature again

– Slowing down with the modelling, one or two shoots a month is totally fine!

– Make time to meditate and practice yoga and eat well

– Continue to write this blog and spill my emotional beans all over the place

– Continue to make my little home a happy place to escape, which isn’t hard as I am in heaven as soon as I walk through the door.

– Using social media a lot less, apart from my modelling page occasionally.

– Carrying on smiling, laughing and being positive when faced with any negativity.

I am one day in to slowing down and i already feel so much better again 🙂

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A classic case of ‘no spark’

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It is 12.00am on a Friday morning. I have not long got home from another first date. It appears I still haven’t learnt my lesson, that I attract guys from the strange walks of life. Unfortunately I cannot blame Tinder for this one, I totally blame Bumble and my own lack of judgement.

So, spending the night swiping through the app I looked at this guy’s profile. Instead of pictures of him in Thailand on some exotic animal, wrestling a tiger or skiing, there was a fancy dress picture of him in a dress. Fair play I thought, it was certainly different and quite cute, he also described himself as the real Ross Gellar. So as per bumble rules, I had to message within 24hrs. I sent a message complimenting on his ability to pull off a dress, wig and knee high socks. After a few messages we were getting on really well, seemed to have the same humour and both liked similar music, always a winner. After a few days chatting we swapped numbers and arranged a date, to some quirky bar with my kind of music. I wasn’t really nervous or bothered about this one, I thought of it as just going out with a mate after how well we had gotten on. I didn’t even have an advance outfit planned or hair & make up, not like me at all. I always have a date outfit planned at least 3 days in advance in my head!

I turned up early for once; he was sat waiting with a White Russian (WTF milk on a night out?!) for himself and a standard southern comfort for me. First impressions, not at all what I would normally go for at all but he came across alright. He looked a lot different from his pictures and had the strangest accent that took me by surprise, almost as much as how he pronounced the word ‘practice’ as ‘pratice’. We had a nice chat but it quickly became apparent that it was all business. I didn’t fancy him at all, no little sparks, no laughs and there weren’t enough pints in the word that would tempt me to a sleepover! He pointed out that he had small hands for some reason, then I was mesmerized, they made mine look massive, I refrained from a previous small hand joke, totally inappropriate.

I made the excuse that I wanted to beat the late night scramble for a taxi and said I was leaving. He offered me money for my cab, which I didn’t take and walked me to the taxi rank. I gave him a hug, skilfully swerved the attempt at a kiss and gave the ‘thanks for a nice night and it was nice to meet you’ brush off line, which I have learnt is code for ‘thanks but no thanks’. This did not work, as his parting line as i closed the taxi door happy i didn’t get asked for a second date, was ‘I will throw you a text and we will sort something out’. I clearly need to come up with a more inventive/brutal way to end dates successfully. i could use a line used on me the other week..’well, i’m sure i will speak to you again at some point’. a personal favorite brush off, straight to the point, leaving no room for hope.

I am a firm believer in personality, laughter and butterflies; I’m not one to go for looks. Looks fade over time, so if you’re with some absolute wanker who is hot as hell, eventually when their looks fade away, you will be left with just an absolute wanker.

With that said, they should ideally be a two pint minimum on the sleepover scale.

To date or not to date!

I am now around 6 months into this dating malarkey and all I can say is it has been emotional to say the least. Since my last dating post about the three lovely fella’s I dated from tinder, I have yet to go on another. The experience of the giraffe kisser, inappropriate joker and the guy with the dodgy movie choice may have put me off slightly. Since then I have spoken to a few guys, we have swapped numbers and exchanged numerous ‘normal’ messages then it doesn’t go anywhere. Which I am secretly happy about, I have started to plan a few dates then realised I actually don’t want to go on one. I don’t feel the need to go out and date just because I can, even if it would provide me with another funny story to add to my dating collection and a free meal. Considering I only seem to attract freaks at the minute, I’m definitely wary! Plus the smallest thing puts me off, those roll eye emoji’s in conversations piss me off straight away, roll your eyes in someone else’s inbox, passive aggressive comments will make you sound like a total wanker and anyone who wants to hit me with some ‘life lessons’, I’m good thanks, at least have a normal conversation before you try to change my mindset. So unless the conversation is flowing nicely, i’m getting good vibes and the guy doesn’t say lol or call me hun all the time, i wont be playing out, i will be washing my hair or i’ll have to stay in to tape the 40 year old virgin on VHS in case ITV decide to stop showing it.

I haven’t been on a date since January, it feels like two weeks ago not months! Last week my single curiosity got the better of me though, when I heard about a new dating app called ‘bumble’. I felt like I was missing out, so the obvious thing was to sign up straight away and have a nosey at these blokes who have swerved Tinder in search of a better place. I had forgotten how addictive these dating apps are! This app is different to tinder, the girl has to send the first message within 24hrs, then the guy has to reply in 24hrs or the match disappears. So i have been trying to thing of witty one liners to open with and failing miserably. It would seem that no one can hold a conversation, i need to get back to going out and letting alcohol make my dating decisions again, as that has worked out amazingly so far..

What i have learnt, according to some secret rule, on a guy’s profile they must have pictures including snowboarding, on a mountain, some sort of wild animal, one in Thailand and with a random girl. Also, what is everyone’s obsession with height? Apparently this is a big thing in the girl world, something that I have never even thought about! Surly one of the main questions to address should be shoe choice instead?! Tall, dark and shit shoes does not make a perfect match.