This post has been inspired by the picture above; it is a statement that I understand more and more as I get older. When we are younger we all seem to be offended if friends drift apart, stop calling or turn down invitations; there is always the odd few who need to have a confrontation or ‘cut you out’ as the cool cats seem to say these days. Social media dictates that it is normal to start an argument with your mate for not liking your latest post about your fella’s cat on Facebook. Or that when someone decides to delete you, it’s a declaration of war; ever thought that isn’t the case, maybe they want their posts to only been seen by actual friends, not 6401 acquaintances on Facebook.
From late teens to early twenties it seems like we have loads of friends. Friends from school, college, university, work or those that you only see on a weekend when you are out getting absolutely mortal and ruining your life. Then one by one, priorities start to change. Someone might get married, have a baby, go travelling or concentrate on building a business or career whilst the rest are busy or carry on waving those glow sticks, raving and misbehaving. We watch our ‘Omg we need to arrange a catch up’ list get bigger and bigger.
And you know what..there’s sod all wrong with any of that.
As our interests and priorities change we outgrow each other, in the same way that you can outgrow a relationship, you still like each other but you are both different people. Outgrowing friends is not a bad thing as it shows how we are maturing or evolving into our own person. The more our interests and thoughts change, there more we attract people of similar values into our lives.
Take this for example. In my early to mid-20’s, I spent every possible moment going out getting severely drunk, not giving a shit about my health or having a career and I attracted the same into my life. Basically i was a hot mess. Now I have taken an interest in my health and investing in myself, my circle is getting a hell of a lot smaller. We all hit these stages at different times, some a lot earlier than others. I am starting to learn how to distance myself from patterns and behaviours that don’t match who I aspire to be as a person and I am slowly drifting away from those who don’t have my best interests at heart. I distance myself from everything when I need to work on myself and put myself first. I had never felt the need to fall out with anyone for wanting to improve on themselves and I am the type of person who loves to see people off doing what they love, regardless of what others think. I still love having a little browse to see how everyone else is getting on, seeing how people are changing over the years, how their kids are growing, their careers changing and families.
Personally, I have always been a bit of a closed book when it comes to friendships. Some of this lies in being burnt by people in the past but mostly by just being a private person. I had never felt the need to talk to people every day to maintain a friendship and it was near impossible to bear my soul to anyone but after the past few years that is changing. The circle I have around me now is amazing, I know I could call any one of them when I need advice or to be told just how much of an ‘idiot’ I have been and I couldn’t imagine a time without them, even if sometimes we do just communicate in memes. Although you are all totally replaceable before you get cocky!
So if you start to drift away from people it’s totally natural, there is no need to post a passive aggressive update, just do it. Those that try to make you feel bad for changing your life, do you really need that kind of negativity??
Keep those around you who fan your flames, not dampen them.