Since I have made a few little changes to my life, I have felt like I am literally high on life over the past few months and I have noticed a big difference in most areas of my life. Now, I spend less time in my own head worrying and stressing about the past or future and no more trying to second guess every situation to come. I have been doing a fair bit of reading up on this positive thinking malarkey and have seen the phrase ‘live in the present’ banded about everywhere. I totally agree with this, we all spend too much time willing on our days off, holidays, planning for the future and waiting for something to happen that we forget to live our lives at that minute, we take it for granted. This was the hardest thing to do for me as my mind tends to wander a hell of a lot. It had taken a while and lots of telling myself to get a grip and stop over thinking but I am getting there, with the minor relapse; I have an imagination that loves to take over!
The past few days I have been trying to fight off the little negative niggles of self-doubt in my mind, which I am putting down to a few things: hormones, dating crap, night shifts, very little sleep and doing too much. I hadn’t realised I had slipped back into being a bit negative until I started going through my pin up pictures, scrutinising them and thinking of giving up, telling myself I’m not slim enough, pretty enough or have the right kind of look. Even when I have been let down by people that I know are totally flaky, thinking it was down to something I had done and not that it’s them just being their flaky selves.
I have been on a mission lately, like a woman possessed trying to fill my days off so I’m not sat in doing nothing, so much so that I have actually felt drained. Between hitting the gym, dating and planning and going for pin up shoots, I had totally forgotten to take time out for myself to chill and enjoy my lovely little home, which is what I am doing right now. The ‘healthy’ eating has been thrown out, I am eating my body weight in chocolate and biscuits and binging on Peep Show whilst I’m in night mode.
I am having a day or two away from the world of pin up modelling, life planning and healthy eating and I am removing myself from the shitty world of dating and focusing on myself again. Back to falling over doing yoga, falling asleep trying to meditate and forgetting that other people can hear me singing whilst walking around the park with my headphones in, i have missed those funny looks. Time to recharge my little brain and get back into the positive thinking zone.